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Sunday, May 30, 2004
Friday, we three crescent hockers went to Venezia for ice cream on warm brownie, smothered in hot fudge. Ahh... it was sinful. :) We collected our trophies in the morning, in front of the school... was pretty proud of the team, i mean... hockey has won much in NJ. Though Navin thinks that we'll never get our due respect from the school, i think that we will, through time. We need to build it up, not expect it overnight. I'm sure we're much more respected compared to what we were in the first 3 months or something, now that we've fought hard to earn our trophy. So if we continue this trend, we will earn our own right and everyone will be proud of what we are!
Halfway through eating our icecream, Rahul (smart ass... get the pun? Haha) met us... he's such an idiot. Didnt want to pon earlier but then ponned in the end. Chatted with everyone, then hui ee fell asleep (i splashed some water on her hair accidently), and then i got a message from Jon. He asked if i wanted to join him, arnold (hockey), some ex-sji guy and leon. Was super nervous but i agreed... with persuation from Huijia.
Met them in Lido, was super nervous because i've never really spoken to Leon and that sji guy much before, but leon was nice. Walked to cine to bowl (leon is a bowler) and chatted somemore... Then bowling! i couldnt bowl cos i had training soon, but watched them, hahaha. They all had their own unique funny styles! Damn fun to watch and laugh like hell. Anyway had to leave early for training, said byee to them and went off to delta.
Training was alright, i realise that my standard of hockey is horrible, club-wise hahaha.
That night was super fun. Stayed over at huiee's house... Yeah the whole thing was just really fun, had a great time. It was a first time experience for alot of us, so to experience it all together, was wonderful. i wouldnt have rather done it with anyone else but you wonderful hockers! (and extra sa-hocker hahaha) Yay feeling quite happy now.
Bah, have to go back to schoool tomorrow, i think? Need to ask my classmates...
Was super duper shagged on saturday. Couldnt do flag day properly... was falling asleep practically every minute haha. Couldnt be bothered to ask people for donation, i mean... i just didnt have the energy to? So it was more like, donate if you want. And if i have a joule to spare, shove the can in front of people. i really couldnt give a flying damn. So obviously i didnt collect alot. i think i could see the bottom of my can. Yeah that bad. Anyway the lady at the friggin counter was giving me a hard time... Talking about not being up to standard or some shit like that. Couldnt care, just wanted to return the can and GO HOME TO SLEEP. So i did. And thats how i spent most of my saturday and sunday... Catching up on my sleep!
rockin' at 8:44 PM
Monday, May 24, 2004
Stanley Climbfall - Lifehouse
quiet
seems like an honest world
you're begging for the baker's bread when the money's out
stand, climb, and fall
you carry the world
can't carry your hope
when the world is falling down
and another breaks
and another falls
for losers always make the winner's day
stand, climb, and fall
you carry the weight
can't carry it all
are you falling
are you faking
are you killing
are you breaking
am I burning
am I only melting
these diamonds in the making
when I'm at the end of myself
everything you want
when nothing seems to satisfy me
take anything you want
quiet
a sound you know so well
you're living just to make it through another day
stand, climb, and fall
you carry the world
can't carry your hope
are you falling
are you faking
are you killing
are you breaking
am I burning
am I only melting
these diamonds in the making
when I'm at the end of myself
everything you want
when nothing seems to satisfy me
take anything you want
take anything you want
take anything you want
quiet
rockin' at 12:26 AM
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Congratulations to all the wonderful hockers that made it to the finals! I'm proud of all of you... you guys really trained hard and played hard, and you guys deserve it! Pau, i'm just bloody in AWE by your sheer presence on pitch, its like theres this driving force that you bring, and we were completely bowled over. Your goal was wonderful, and i'm really proud that you were my captain... RJ played damn well, always running... and we were dominated, no doubt. To the hockers in VJ, congrats! You guys play hard k, i'll be looking forward to the finals!
Its wonderful that crescent has such a name for their hockey players, that shows the sheer effort that Mr Nordin has put into us. Its not easy training up one player, let alone 16 players! And for the 16 to thrive even after he lets us take flight, is amazing. Just look at the number of captains and legends that are from crescent... All thanks to him. We owe him so much... he taught us to play hockey, he taught us discipline, he taught us to think when we play, he taught us to respect, he taught us the meaning of passion, he taught us to NEVER GIVE UP, he taught us to pick ourselves up, he taught us to WANT to win, he taught us to BELIEVE in ourselves and our team, he taught us the meaning of that extra 10% after we reach that 100%, and most importantly, he taught us how to LOVE. To love the game, to love ourselves, to love our team, to love him - our coach, to love the school for giving us the opportunity to be in CRESCENT hockey... And also, to love our opponents. We love them for their own determination and their passion when they play against us. We respect them for what they are. i love you guys... i'll never ever forget all of you, nor the passion that we felt on the pitch AND off.
Take care, all of you crescent hockers!
rockin' at 6:07 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
i tried my best on friday. i really did. i just couldnt bring myself to run that extra yard, to stretch that extra stick-length... My stamina is fuck. i feel like fucking myself, how the hell could i not last one game? ONE GAME, not TWO not THREE BUT ONLY ONE. And i cant even last that. One single fucking game. i fucking had to sub out. Cos i knew that i was being unfair to the team, not being able to run back to defend and not running forward to support attacks. They said that we shouldnt apologise... but i feel that i have to... I'm just sorry that i couldnt be the midfielder that you all needed.
I'm getting over it. But meanwhile i'm simply angry with myself... disappointed in myself. i thank everyone, especially the guys who were so supportive after the game ended, telling us how wonderful we played and how our effort showed... It was really sweet, but i knew that (for me) i played shit towards the end cos i was fucking unfit.
Agh. i dont feel like talking about it anymore... The one that meant something never acknowledged anything. i feel like fuck... But as i said, i'm getting over it.
rockin' at 11:31 PM
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Give me some time, i'm slowly detoxifying myself. Wait, not exactly detoxifying... more like, rejuvenating. i havent felt so fucking low in a really long, long time. So much so that small irritating actions that my friends usually do really piss me off a whole lot. So i apologise if i snapped at anyone. And FUCK i just got my fucking period today. And guess what! Bonus package! A new pimple to just complete my fucked up day.
i was pretty straightforward today, and in a way, it felt good that i didnt have to pretend that i was happy or that something was funny and force myself to laugh. Cos its tiring. And i have not much energy. The semis against RJ are this friday... i want to conserve every ounce of fricking energy i have and concentrate it onto the little over hour on the pitch that i'm gonna spend. And play HARD.
Its fun talking to people who dont know about your worries, because then they are genuinely happy with you, and then you feel really happy, cos you know that they are really happy and are not wasting their precious time worrying over you. i appreciate everything though, as i've repeated countless times.
i sometimes wonder if people really mean what they tell you, especially if it sounds oh so sweet and wonderful. In a way, when you accept what they say and feel happy, you are exposing a part of yourself to an open blade, because they can simply take back what they said so easily, in one swift motion - slice. i hate living up to other people's expectations... who the hell are you to expect that much out of me?! So what if i appear to be capable of a certain level, it doesnt mean that i can reach that every single fucking time.
Oh shit. i am sorry if i sound so bloody negative. Its just that i havent been in the best moods these past few days... Its alright really. Just ignore everything.
---------
i can't be losing sleep over this
no, i can't
and now i cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
i'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing
i cannot stand still
i can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening
this is over my head
but underneath my feet
because by tomorrow morning i'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
i wish that it was just that easy
i'm waiting for tonight
then waiting for tomorrow
and i'm sowehere in between
what is real and just a dream
would you catch me if i fall
out of what i fell in
don't be surprised if i collapse down at your feet again
i don't want to run away from this
i know that i just don't need this
cause i cannot stand still
i can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening
cause i'm waiting for tonight
then waiting for tomorrow
and i'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
rockin' at 8:17 PM
Thursday, May 13, 2004
i feel really very very pathetic and helpless, like without power or any form of control. Which frankly, i'm not used to. i cant bring myself to think "correctly", but thankfully i have my wonderful friends who are helping me out. They give advice that is to die for, and although i might not see it right now, i know that they are right and that i should heed everything. i will try my bestest, alrighty? Although its not like i can control everything, because in reality i am a puppet. :(
rockin' at 9:08 PM
Monday, May 10, 2004
Bombshells suck. The one that dropped on me today was pretty shocking... and i really dont know what to feel. i couldnt feel anything in fact, i was simply a walking blur after that. But i'm glad that i know? Despite everything... i dont like not knowing. In a way i feel vunerable when i dont know? Yeah. i guess thats it. Yazid is right, it shouldnt change or affect me. I'm trying not to let it, really. But i cant help it? Well at least for today anyway. He was so sweet today, hehe. i waited for his GP class to finish, then walked with him to the physics labs... He tried comforting me? But he couldnt find any words to say... and i saw that, so i said that he didnt have to say anything. i understood. And then he changed the subject. :)
Regina was also real sweet to me! Kept writing "Nemo is a piece of shit" all over the place... making me laugh and stuff (my nickname is nemo)... and she kept bitching with me, trying to keep me alert and stuff haha. I'm really grateful to her!!
i wasnt pissed with jonathan at all today... Yep i wont ever be. i was just frustrated hoho. I'm also very grateful that he's such a good friend and stuff... Yeah okok jonathan doesnt suck. :)
Tomorrow is our last game against MI for the first round groupings... I'm realy gonna play my bestest and NOT BE AFRAID of ANYTHING, not the ball, minahs or even mr nordin! (Though i'll be pissing in my pants for the last factor, i will try not showing it hee) So yeah, i'm not going to let myself or the team down, i'll give ALL OUT. Lets all pray for a great game and hopefully a win! So that we're confirmed in the semis :) GO NJ!
rockin' at 9:41 PM
Sunday, May 09, 2004
i havent been blogging for a very long time. From my guestbook, it appears that a few of my dear friends have the impression that i have a boyfriend now! Ahahaha... No lah, Yazid and i are just joking around. He knows that i'm not serious, it all started when he told me what a dick -33 is. Naturally i felt disappointed then, and he was being nice to me and stuff, so i started saying i liked him. Ever since then, hell has ensued! :p Oh and pauline! I'm sorry, i'm not really attached hehe. And i dont have any plans of converting to Islam anytime soon.
I'm going to clear some things up... hoho. The other day, regina showed me some friendsters, and i stumbled upon jerry's one. Omg he is such a self-centered egoistic guy. Its really quite disgusting... at least to me. A huge turn-off. Regina rocks. She may be constantly waiting for the opportunity to insult me, but now and again she injects some mangled form of sense into me, and i thank her for it. Its really wonderful... i realise now that life in NJ would suck really bad, if she wasnt with me in s10. We are always together, theres just this connection that we have and it gives me this sense of security when i'm with her. In a way, i feel dependant on her... Yet independant that the rest of stuff in class can change but as long as i'm with her, its okay. And no, i'm not lesbian.
Just yesterday, huiee (stingray), huijia and i were at macs outside lido, and we were there for a really long time just talking and talking alot. We made a bet, to see who between us 3, would be the first to get attached. Hj and stingray bet on me, and i betted on stingray. The loser has to buy adam road dinner. I'm positive that they have the impression that i like yazid, so they betted on me. Wrong move :p
Jonathan got into council, yay! Afghan didnt :( i hope he isnt too upset, never mind k! Now you dont need to be afraid of bringing back food to class!
Oh, last night me and my younger sis were having a sister talk for about 2 hours... i tried making sense into some issues that we talked about, like lesbians and boyfriends and stuff. i told her, "NEVER EVER go for looks. Thats a huge mistake. Go for the guy that you have a special connection with, the kind of guy that you can talk about rubbish or deep stuff for hours. You dont necessarily have to agree with each other, but as long as you two can listen and understand... There will be something worth pursuing. Personality and character." I'm glad to say that she was very impressed with the way i spoke... i think she was a bit shocked too? i guess she imagined me as the more *ahem* shallow kind? Yeah so when she heard me say that stuff she discovered a new found respect for me. And shes also impressed that i havent got a boyfriend before. i dont know, do i have a face that screams, "i need a male companion!" ? :p Kidding.
Of course it would be lovely if there was someone like that in my life, but it isnt easy to find such compatibility. For now i feel very blessed with regina, hj and stingray in my junior college life. Though i miss ALOT of you guys... to name a few: yarn, mavis, shanna, pau, cow, june, fariza, whit, bear and SO ON. You dont know how hard it is to adjust to people who are so entirely different and weird as compared to yourself. Like, the entire school is the magnified toot gang, and here and there we are scattered about, struggling to find each other. Mavis, i really miss you alot! Whenever i see someone weird in school (which is quite often) i imagine what kind of insult you would have in mind, and i feel sad cos you're not there to make us all laugh. In a way, i feel that we are all being cheated of laughter and the stitches we get when we cant stop, just because we cant be together.
Take care, everyone! :)
rockin' at 10:02 PM
Monday, May 03, 2004
Sat training was pretty rubbish :p Did some drills, but they DIDNT ALLOW ME TO STOP for shorts. But its okay. i just like stopping :) Anyway my stitches were less sore that morning, but it sucked cos it hurt when i hit or sweeped. And my dear stingray and i went for our warm up round the track, and i realise i could only run 150 m (she insists less) before it hurt alot. But that was yesterday. Today they are SO much better, i can walk normally and all... tomorrow i'll try running again. If they still hurt i'm taking the pain killers for tues game.
Ahaha sat was quite funny... So after training, huiee was eating this jelly thingy and she offered the other stick around, and jerry took it... He started squeezing it damn hard, then i see huiee has hers nicely opened and just slide it out easily, then she ask "why you must squeeze so hard" and hes like, cos the opening very small... Then he proceeded to say, "it damn tasteless" AHAHAHHAAHA! :):) Hes damn funny lah :D
Ok i will not go mad. So after that we went for lunch with most of the team... sat with crescent people and this nj hockey senior who is now in NS, his name is eugene. Hoho we had some fun, i watched huiee beat the shit out of the comp on the cool Nokia hp, and watch them all laugh like hell watching porn on it, and see that guy's face turn so bloody red and keep repeating, "Its jerry download one... not me!" ahahahhaha... And that eugene keeps insisting that i'm an IP student. Wtf... so i look that childish?!?! Grr... He say what, i got the young look, like little girl... FINE. i should be flattered that i look like a little girl rather than an old woman right.
K then crescent girls and sq took a bus down to penin... They decided to watch 50 first dates during the bus ride, and i'm like HELLO I WATCHED LIAO but the rest didnt... :( Then eugene decided to tag along cos he wanted to watch too. So we picked up hockey grip and looked through band shirts but didnt see any that caught our eyes. The northern indian lady in the shop recognised me! ^_^
K anyway we went to PS and SHEAT i wasted $$ watching the damn movie again. Grr... but i still laughed at the funny parts ahahaha... Oh before that we had icecream at Swensons... The 8 flavours one. Not bad la we gossiped and talked alot. Found out that poor eugene is paid what, 83 cents PER HOUR?!?! HELLO THAT IS LIKE the rate in india or something. So sad :(. Luckily i didnt let him pay half of my movie ticket, or else i'd feel damn bad. But he's really nice, like gentlemanly and all. Helped me pull out my chair lol.
Oh and yazid sucks. I'm so bloody nice to him somemore. After training i asked him "oei why last night you went back never say bye to me?!?!" and irritating jonathan said "and me also" ahaha extra only. Damn i keep disturbing him and we keep making fun of each other say what i going to meet his parents until xiang yun and eugene really think that i like him ahaha. Eugene somemore say what, as long as i dont use "fuck" then can. Cos when we were eating, yazid left again without saying bye to ME and i was complaining, "omg yazid sucks la, he never say bye to me that fucker..." and eugene was like so damn shocked?! Like never hear girl say that before... He said i said it in a very refined way very different from army ahahhaha... But told me not to use that word, cos its not nice for girls to do so. Then hj ask, "why boys can use we cannot" then he said, "i dont use it what. i try not to when i get off tekong" Reminds me of regina :) FINE i shall try to be a proper lady. Try. TRY. Ok. ^_^
On the way back on the bus, hj made my day by telling me two jokes told by DETTOL. Shit la i think they are damn funny and i can imagine him saying it, he'd be damn cute ahahhaha!! i hate myself when i get all worked up thinking about him, but i love it when my mind gets all light and floaty thinking of him. i sound psychotic. But who CARES. Its called the "effects of eye candy" whoo hooo! ahahhahahhaha :):)
rockin' at 12:03 AM
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