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Friday, July 30, 2004
Hockey kinda pissed me off in school just now. k not hockey hockey, but... you get the geist. i am so thankful for nissa and hj! i could just marry them. k maybe not. i shouldnt disappoint regina hahahahahah.
Today school was just incredibly boring. Wait that was an unnecassary sentence. Anyway my brain was so entirely dead that i sent hj a stupid message during physics which had the opposite meaning of what i wanted to say. Dont ask me how i actually sent that out but yeah i'm sure if you hooked me up to a life-support monitor, it'd show that i was clinically brain dead at that point.
i still havent seen the new hair cut. i'm so slow. i think our timetables are just complete opposites. Yin and yang... the moon and sun... apples and pears. Yeah so that sucks. OH WELL. Just as long as i see everything opposite as what regina says, then i'll be happy :p
My life is such a bore. i need some exciting new entertaining something to get me all worked up and excited and flustered and actually sweat a bit. i think i'm the kind of person who needs something to do, or someone to think about, or some way to just pass time. All the time. Haha i think i maybe expecting too much out of basically, everything right now. i dont think thats wrong, though. i mean, really at such a stage as now, i feel incredibly invincible. Like nothing can hold me down, that everything is ahead of me. i just need to go out there and work for it, to get it. And the process itself is irresistably fun. Sure you hurt yourslef sometimes, but we are made of flesh and bone. We are meant to bleed, to take cuts and bruises. They all heal... its just how you take care of the wound, which will determine how deep the scar goes.
i love scars. i remember once in the ffg forums, they had a topic about scars. Someone mentioned that scars were incredibly sexy, and i agree. i dont see scars as scarring, but more of defining. Scars tell your story. The mark there is proof that you got through it, and you survived. You conquered. Kinda like a modern day battle wound. Now take all of what said, and turn them into the emotional context.
Dont fear pain.
rockin' at 10:28 PM
Monday, July 26, 2004
Its completely mind-boggling how different two people's perspectives on love and relationships can be, especially since it seems that we have so much in common! i love you all the same, my dearest regina :) Today was damn fun, talking and talking about the same thing that we havent experienced before. It really made us think.
i love Rachel's cheong-sam dress she wore on friends tonight. Its really pretty! i wish i could pull off something like that. OH WELL. :p Some people just no figure la. Now watching Extreme Makeover... Is EM a good show? i dont know. i mean... on one hand its promoting self-confidence, but in a wrong way. Through physical appearance. i do agree that physical appearances are very important, especially at our age. You cant deny that it opens up so much MORE opportunities. It also affects your confidence level from a young age, and you really can tell how confident and at ease someone is just by observing the way he or she walks or carries themselves in public.
Then again, with self confidence being so important, the extent of going through plastic surgery may actually be justified. Why is self confidence so important? It determines you as a person. No one can tell who you are if you have zero self confidence, you'd just be hiding yourself. Then whats the point? You will just be living as a shadow in society, and you will be missing out on alot. Missing out on what exactly? Experiences. Life is all about experiences.
You must want to get out there and live life to the fullest. Cliche, i know. But its so true. Then again you dont need looks to do that. If you have it in yourself to disregard any superficialities that society throws in your face and live YOUR life, i take off my hat for you. Beacause i know i cant do that, i dont have what it takes.
rockin' at 10:28 PM
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I've been in reallly goooood mood these past few days! XD LOL. I'm so happy. Despite the incredible seemingly endless amount of tutorials and pw research and documents that have to be completed since some of my fellow group members have their own "other stuff" to do and casually forget to carry out work which in turn is transferred to me or jia hwa. Ay, i'll put that behind me. We're handing in the file tomorrow (YES FINALLY) and hopefully our survey will be accepted so we can finally start on primary research!
I'm on high drive now. i relish my happiness! But i need my guts... they seemed to have ducked into the darkest corner of my under my bed and refuse to warm up in the sunshine. i find myself looking over my shoulder (and others) way too often now. And overreacting sometimes. i should be normal. i am normal! Lol. i love this feeling. If you need some explaination, just come to me and ask. i dont want spilling it all over here. It might get all smudgy and misinterpreted.
i love this feeling!
rockin' at 11:47 PM
Firstly, let me relate what happened to me and my parents... i told them the other day, and oh man i received the shock of my life. i thought that aliens had come down and replaced my parents with artifical intelligent beings. Freaked me out completely.
My parents were so completely totally understanding. i have no idea what happened. They didnt scold me, they just asked me what went wrong.. they even offered tution and then dropped the subject quickly. Like WHAT? Thats its? But i havent finished explaining why i did so badly yet!
My parents seem to trust me. They trust that i know what i'm doing and that i can handle things myself. They seem to think that i am responsible, intelligent and rational. Am i? i hope i am. In a way, i thought that i kinda needed their scolding to wake me up... But then, i realised that this was much better. If i wake up on my own account (which i hope i have), i can prove to them that yes! Trust me with that great amount of responsibility, that yes! i can do it, no problem. That yes! i will not let them or myself down.
Yes!
rockin' at 11:41 PM
Friday, July 16, 2004
Hello world.
i think i might not be here tomorrow.
No, i'm not going to kill myself. :)
i think my mom is going to do that job for me.
i just had a nice talk with my elder sis. i told her my common test grades, and i didnt like the way she reacted. She was like, mom is so gonna be mad mad M A D. Fuck. i'm so dead. i know i deserve my grades but somehow, i think i completely forgot the fact that i had to tell my parents.
How.
i wont lie.
i'm gonna get major fuck these few days. Please forgive me if i seem short tempered or just basically fucking pissed. Please dont call me names when i go home straight after school, i dont like it anymore than you do. Please dont call me a fucking mugger cos i have to do work now. Because i fared so much more worse than so many of you, and because basically if i dont, my mom will give me fucking hell.
i dont enjoy having less freedom. i dont enjoy having to pay attention in all lessons. i dont enjoy forcing myself to attend all lectures. i dont enjoy my pw group discussions. i dont enjoy having to choose between studies and friends. i dont enjoy any of this. i dont enjoy njc. i dont enjoy life right now.
Nothing can make me happy right now.
rockin' at 10:47 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Oh fuck.
i have no life right now.
Hear that? Good. Now spell along with me "no life".
S-T-E-F
YAYYYYYY!
rockin' at 10:29 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2004
I'm determined to be a good student of NJC for the rest of this year. i will do my tutorials and listen during lectures and classes. i will not pon any lessons anymore. i will not hang around in the canteen waiting for the bell to ring then slowly trudge my way to the classrooms for tutorial lessons. i will not curse at teachers under my breath. i will not use my handphone during lessons. i will not gossip to regina during lesson time. i will not ogle at hot guys in school. Wait... i'm not in acjc.
Damn.
But i was serious about the entire earlier part.
One thing though. i still wanna go out with all you great people to relax and destress now and then. If you get what i mean. Hint hint ;) hahaha.
rockin' at 1:31 AM
Friday, July 09, 2004
i havent had so much fun in some time. Playing cards bring back so much joy. Hahaha.
After i finally became Queen and vince became asshole,
Me: "Wait wait how do you spell loser?"
**At the same moment**
Me: "V I N C E" ... Vince: "S T E F N I"
I'm hungry. i feel like eating Cheesy fishies... Blasted Goldfish! The snack that smiles back! :)
Hohoho. i owe vince porn. Should i be baaad and take my time in sending the file over to him? Yes i shall. Good things come to those who wait.
Shit tomorrow is my chinese listening. Diediedie in classroom not in LT... LT easier to copy!! Ohh soccer sixes are tomorrow morning... Shit i feel like watching. But sure damn extra.
rockin' at 10:14 PM
Monday, July 05, 2004
VINDICATED I AM SELFISH I AM WRONG I AM RIGHT I SWEAR I'M RIGHT I SWEAR I KNEW IT ALL ALONG AND I AM FLAWED
Dashboard Confessional. Since when they became mainstream? Aha. i dont know about bands that are revelated from obscure depths of mossy wallows to the praise and idolism of popularity. i dont know... its like, you're happy for the band that they are suddenly so popular and so wonderfully rich and successful. But then again you kinda hate the fact that once what was yours now becomes theirs. Dashboard has been on my playlist since sec 3? If i'm not wrong, huijia introduced them to me. The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most... i remember that cd well hehe. Anyway... Alot of bands are like that. From obscurity to "quick! Run to the back door to avoid the throngs of fans that want to grab my balls".
Our Lady Peace used to be really good. i loved their older stuff, but since they came out with Gravity, which is mass produced to satifsy mass popularity, their quality of music has gone down down down. Listen to Thief, Clumsy... and compare it to Somewhere Out There, Innocent. VERY different. Their style completely changed. Gone are the unique vocals and twists of his voice, and exchanged it to the more commonly heard voice you usually hear when you turn on the radio.
i tend to dislike mainstream bands and singers. i dunno. It kinda reminds me of what Beau told me a long time ago. He said that at one time, there was a popular kind of shirt. It had the image of fishes swimming upstream, and it read, "Dont go with the flow. Go against the current!" It basically was a kind of loudspeaker for people to be more of "themselves" and not to follow popularity and trends to be "cool". What the fuck, it turned out that that itself was a fad. And almost everyone in his school wore that shirt. He couldnt take the irony haha. i remember he was super pissed.
i loved the way he thought. He has this special flare about him, about how he manages to talk to you sincerely, and how you can actually feel his passion through the mere electrons on the silly screen in front of you. His thoughts mesmerised me. Encouraged, influenced, inspired and moulded me. Yet, he managed to retain the me in myself. He allowed you to think for yourself. He encouraged it even. He did that all especially well when he was debating. Imgaine that! Debating with differing views and allowing you to contradict and agree with yourself all at once.
He had great taste in music, by the way. :D Haha. i really really miss him. i think Beau to me, is one of those special characters in your life, that comes by extremely rarely. He changed me in a way, and i'll never forget that. i doubt i'll ever meet another Beau, at least not anytime soon. For now i have to be satisfised with the thoughts and memories and musings of his.
i feel very lonely now.
rockin' at 9:14 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
I'm excited now. Haha cos tomorrow me and huiee are going SHOPPING. Gawd i cant believe i can get so happy and loopy over something so seemingly trival, but so amazingly uplifting.
Fuck i hope i'm not getting into a minor depression.
K no i wont. Because i have wonderful people around me who are wonderful and amazing! LOL yesterday bear cow huiee and hj came over to play Silent Hill 2 at my place! Damn freaking scary. And damn funny. Hahaha screamed out a few times even.
Today me reg siewee huiee hj went out shopping for abit! Damn fun man. i didnt bring money so i was window-ing all day... Quite sad la. Hahah but its damn nice to talk to all of them and laugh at regina (not with) hehe cos her jokes are just CMI... AH LIANG! HAHAHAHAHHA
My cough wont go away. Fuck it.
rockin' at 12:30 AM
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Physics was super fun. SUUUUPEEEEERRRRR FUUNNNNNN! Believe me, i had alot of fun in the lt. So we were trying to do the paper right, then towards the last bit i just GAVE UP. Seriously. Totally cannot do anything to salvage my paper. i like one question i did tho...
Calculate the speed of the karate guy's fist on the piece of wood.
:Okaay... calculate
:calculate
:calculate.
:Spd = 6600m/s
LOLOLOL. SUPAAARRR FAST FISTS OF KARRRAAATTTEEEHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nevermind. So being the good physics student that i am, i redid the calculations...
:Calculate
:calculate
:calculate
:Spd = 2000m/s
Which i thought, hey thats better than 6600m/s. So i'll stick with it. i mean, afterall they never mentioned WHO was the karate-r. It could be Clarke Kent for all i know.
After that i laughed to myself. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Okay then i turned to regina who was sitting beside me, and i mouthed the words to her... "Just... give... up." And she had this look on her face like she wanted to laugh and die and kill the physics paper setter at the same time. i took a peek at her test paper... She had one entire page blank. Haha but i'm sure you'll do better then Harland. He did only the first two pages of section A, then went to sleep. Such a hardworking boy.
Damn funny la the paper. i hope in future the papers would not follow in this paper's footsteps. If they did, how unoriginal.
rockin' at 9:10 PM
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