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regina's demand-push inflation
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Listening to Find Yourself Another Girl by The Hives
Today was the econs paper, utterly disasterable. If there even is such a term. Me and regina checked our MCQs after the paper, and we realised WE GOT ALL THE SAME ANS except one. And we honestly didnt copy, i can promise you that. So we were thinking, either we're both gonna do pretty well, or we're both screwed. Anyway the rest of the paper was quite crappy to me. By the time i finished the case study and went onto the essay, i was so insanely bored and tired already, and i just wanted to get it over and done with. So my part b) for essay question 2 is quite short. Ok its really short. THEN after they collected our vomitted crap, they decided to announce the top scorers for the MCQ. Of course is people who got full marks lah. After they read names and names and more names out (mine and regina not being one of them), regina turned to me and said,
"Die lah stef see lah."
Then Yulin turned around and said, "even 50pf is smarter than us! So saad." (50pf is short form for 50cents per fuck, which is a crude nickname for a girl who no one likes. But everyone uses it.)
Then i said, "No, you see. Its not that all these people are smarter than us, no they're not. Its just that they are better at guessing answers than us. Thats why they get full marks."
rockin' at 10:35 PM
"you had me at Hello"
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Listening to Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen
The other day i sat down to a nice afternoon and i put on Lost in Translation on my dvd player. Although the beginning wasn't particulary exciting or grabbing as how Closer was, but it did pick up pace and just as i was beginning to really get into the essence of the characters and the thickening plot of the storyline, my fucking dvd decided to skip on me. It skipped past past many many scenes and so i thought, no biggie i'll just rewind and playback from where it skipped. Maybe it was just a one-off glitch. BUT NOOOOoo. It just kept skipping and skipping and i get got pissier and pissier (i wanted to keep with the -ing thing but i couldnt say 'i got pissing and pissing'... anyhow i digress) So i'm just asking if anyone out there has a copy of Lost in Translation for me to borrow, because i really want to continue watching it because i loved the way the director used imagery and culture. So its not the same if i read the transcripts or something. Pretty please? :)
Anyway today before the div 2 game against SRC, me and huijia went little india for THREADING! It was soo exciting. Firstly cos the building looked super sleazy. You could have hidden brothels and whores trotting the floors and i wouldnt have been surprised. But when we entered the little shoppe, the indian lady was so nice to us! Anyway i got mine done first, and huijia was asking, "eh how painful not" and i'm like, "no way babe nothing at all". i really meant it, must be because i've plucked before and my skin aint that sensitive. HOHOHO you should have seen huijia's face right after!!! It was one of shock, pain, anger and betrayl. MACHAM U JUST COME OUT OF WAR then i ally backstab you meh?! Haha she was so mad at me for saying it didnt hurt hohoho. But i'm really happy with the threading, i think i'm a reform threadist now, no more going to random ah lians for plucking for me! (You know how when you go to "upscale" make-up counters and you ask them for eyebrow trimming services and theres always this ah lian who ends up doing your eyebrows until super thin and super well, erm ah lian? Yes no more.)
Anyway i'm going off for some sleep... i dread the start of next week. Listen to Bruce Springsteen's Secret Garden, super oldie soundtrack from Jerry Maguire. Yup that show with Tom Cruise screaming into the phone, "SHOW ME THE FUCKING MONEY!"
I'm feeling all mushy. Must be the springsteen in my diet.
rockin' at 12:04 AM
Baybeats 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Listening to Blow by Parking Lot Pimp
I'm arranging an outing for Baybeats 2005, whoever wants to join in for some great music, intense atmosphere and even greater company, just msg me.
rockin' at 12:54 PM
i can't take my eyes off of you
Listening to The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
i haven't been able to get a good night's sleep in a long, long while. My mind keeps running with all these impossibly appealing, seducing thoughts (no, not of pornographic nature, thank you). i toss and roll and sigh until i realised its past 2am, 2 hours after i've gone to bed. Then i try to convince myself that i'm incredibly tired and that i desperately need this rest although there's nothing stopping me from staying up all night long. Well nothing except my own sanity.
You know how it's like when you release yourself into this ideal utopian dream, where you allow yourself to imagine all these wonderful scenerios and the impeccably mind-numbing emotions of love and/or pleasure. You get sucked into it, addicted. You feed on its seemingly flawless perfection and the immense gratification and delight you get from it, and in turn it only feeds on more of your indulgement. The more you give it, the more it takes and gives back to you. Let me say now, its all a pseudo! Something like what cheap romance novels serve as, or perhaps those chick flicks your girlfriends drag you to see. Do not allow yourself to fall into its alluring trap of idealism, romanticsm and love. You'll come out feeling cheated. And it only takes a toll on you.
Its all so enticing because they emulate the very thoughts in our heads of what we yearn for. But who ever said thoughts are practical, realistic? They arent, but we were always the sort to hope.
I'm still infatuated, and i'm still thinking of him. Please shoot me, shanna!
rockin' at 12:58 AM
All fuzzled and muzzled
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Listening to Best of You by the Foo Fighters
I'm feeling all fuzzled and muzzled now. Like i just stepped off a shaky train that was going too fast and your head's spinning slightly and you feel like you need to sit down or hold onto something. In case. And then theres also the part where you cant seem to think straight. Its like the carrot in front of you thats so blatantly obvious, but you just can seem to grasp. Its like i know whats right and whats good for me, yet i cant seem to walk through the right door - the one that's shiny and framed with pretty angles and doves, instead i'm drawn to the gloomy, malevolent darkness of the other. i think its more like i want to go that direction instead.
ARGH :( i think i feel sick.
rockin' at 10:55 PM
Disappointment
Friday, June 17, 2005
I'm writing this fresh from the exhaustion and sheer heaviness of disappointment from the u18 finals we played today. Like i was telling shanna before the game, if my usual form is given the rate of 100%, then today i was feeling like 50-60% even before the game started. i was just simply weared down, slowly by the past 3 games we played day after day after day. My body couldnt take it, i so wanted it today you know? i just couldnt show it through my play today.. defensive wise, yeah i know i did my best to TRY to stop that maz (however you spell her name). But offensively, i felt like i could have done SO MUCH more. But i really really one hundred and two thousand times believed that we could have held them at a draw, then go onto flicks and KILL THEM THEN. Because their goalie is not as great as our junesy babylish. But that ball had to go in during the last 5 mins. FIVE DAMN MINUTES. Thats how close. Fuck.
The worst part of hockey is when i'm met with my own disappointment. Where on one hand, i can be so damn proud of my girls for fighting like mad, putting in helluva lot of effort, but when i perform below par of what i expect MYSELF to give, then i'm just totally smashed. i get so damn down and of course - i feel the blame of losing partly on my fault. i know everyone will say, no its not anyone's fault we played hard how can you blame yourself - but illogically i believe that. Because logically, if i had played harder or up to my own standard which i set for myself, then i feel that the overall game would be better because every little thing you contribute into the game counts into it overall.
i hate feeling this way but i cant help it. i cant help but feel responsible, because if you look at things in a certian angle, i was co captain-ing with wongxi, i do have responsibility. And i do accept it and take it on fully. Which means feeling the fucked up way i do now.
i just hate to think that i not only disappointed myself, but Nordin, my girls and everyone else there who was supporting us. i love everything that i've been given so much, and i'm grateful for all that crescent hockey has given me. So i only want to play my best for them.
Let me tell you a little secret... I've been tempted to drop combined schools so that i can join crescent for div 1. Because you know that the top 2 (or 3 i'm not sure) will then qualify to play for the Premiere League, which is like the SLeague for hockey. And crescent's not in it. And i'm wondering WHY THE HELL NOT. i want to do everything in my power to help crescent enter the premiere league, then once that's done, to actually WIN IT. I'm not sprouting empty words here - i want to fufil that magical words of Mr Nordin which he lovingly messaged us, "One day, crescent will win the premiere league. i promise you!"
But obviously i cant do that this year, i have to keep to my commitment with Dahlia. But temptation, oh sweet temptation.
rockin' at 11:07 PM
Chilie crabs and Theresians
Sunday, June 12, 2005
We beat theresians 6-0 in the Division 2 tourny today. Its alright, lah. Despite my own lousy play with me feeling bloated on the pitch thanks to my super late lunch! i always play best on an empty stomach. i think its my drive. Like, "Yes yes just faster finish playing then can grab an ice cream from the swimming pool." Anyway just found out that next week is going to be a *turn on happy voice* long, long week packed full of hockey goodness! Mon = combi schools training; tues, wed, thurs, fri = u18 national tourny; and saturday will be combi schools training once again. Whee.. Bye bye books!! (Who am i kidding.) i really have to cram in alot of inbetween mugging or else i'll never complete my revision at this rate. Sigh definetely not looking forward.
Anyway my dad brought us to kallang for seafood just now! We tried No Signboard, but it was SUPER DUPER crowded. Like, madhouse kinda crowded. So we headed to Jumbo and had chilie crab and fish and other stuff for dinner. Ate alot, my dad said i ate as much as him, and me being half his size, is a sure mean feat. Not bragging or anything, but i can eat. Like, really can eat. And whats scary is if i continue eating like how i do now, onto after i stop hockey and cut down my trainings. Like huijia was saying today, she's cutting back on carbs, and i'm cutting back on my late night snacks. Cant keep it up lah.. If not like that surely will gain like mad. Anyway i think i gained quite some weight during this tourny.. Last i check about 48+kg, which i think is an all time high for me, at least for someone my build.
i hate to lose my hardness and become a ball of spogy-ness. Which is slowly whats happening to me.. But i'm just too darned lazy to make it a point to run everyday, or work out abit, or to at least DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL once in a while. I'd rather go sleep. i think i take lots of things for granted. Like my stamina and hockey skills (which are getting really rusty), so if i dont wake up soon enough, you'll get a lazy heaving spogy mess on the pitch.
rockin' at 10:09 PM
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
Friday, June 10, 2005
... i thought this fucking thing was joking. Hello it looks so LAME and princess-y. But fuck i'm surprised its VAGUELY right. Like wth it kinda freaked me out.
The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to good manners and elegance. |
In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. |
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. |
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. |
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered. |
rockin' at 1:27 AM
Happy Birthday to Me
My birthday today! 18! Wow. Looks like a mighty big and mature and i've-got-10-exboyfriends kind of number huh. Too bad it all just doesnt apply to me. Its the 18-but-im-still-acting-like-we-used-to-in-sec-1 kind of feeling. Yarn posted about the army commercial, how she felt nostalgic when she saw how everyone helped out their buddy by ALL of them admitting to making some error. Made me feel like crying.
Anyway today was spent at my grandmother's funeral. We had a mass and everything, it was all very beautiful. Cried buckets although i kept trying not to. Ever tried singing "Amazing Grace" while trying to breath through your mouth cos your nose's all clogged up with that slimy nose drool you get when you cry? Not easy trust me. But everything went smoothly... my mom was the organiser. Funny, but then again not really. Funny cos my mom isnt even blood related to her, but not really because Mama treated her like her own daughter, and us like her own grandchildren. She trusted my mom would look after the funeral and all the prior arrangements, and my mom passed with amazing praises. Though not without weary and stress, but she managed it all the same :) i spent the night before staying up til 4am typing out the funeral mass booklet, so i'm quite proud of that. My little token of love for the amazing lady who always remembered that i loved her sambal ladies fingers :)
Mama looked so beautiful in her baju kebaya as she lay peacefully in her coffin.. Everyone said so. So many people commented that she looks like shes smiling, which i wholly agree :) My aunts also said that her smile just widens everyday as the wake went on... Really very beautiful. She was dressed fit as a queen, and the make up was great too, she looked really young :) i said she would be greeting God in styyyle :D
Its really difficult seeing my mom so emotional. By the time mass was over, i had accepted things as they were and how i knew they were proceeding. i knew about the cremation that was to come and how difficult it was for me during my grandfather's cremation. So although i was prepared, i wasnt prepared to see those i love around me - breaking down. It was such a helpless feeling, what could i do - put my arm around my mom and hug her? Seems so insignificant to what she must be feeling. But i'm glad we were able to at least try to comfort her... But my mom is a strong woman. She didnt like to be so emotionally at a loss for a period of time. She quickly gathers herself up and confidently carries on.
I'll miss so many things i cant list them all here. But i know i'll always have her love and memories.
She's finally home with God :)
rockin' at 12:41 AM
Closer
Monday, June 06, 2005
Just watched it today on dvd... Thank you very much, justin :) And yes he's right. i did like the show. Its just amazing the way the heart and head works. Kinda boggled me. Portman was hot, utterly completely hot. Always thought she was one of the more gorgeous actresses in hollywood :)
Anyway what i wanted to mention was how today i lost it. i dont know why. i think its built up stress and everything happening right now. I'm so glad i have had the time to sit down and calm myself down. My mom saw that i was different today, and she did ask how i was, if i was okay and if anything was the matter... Really sweet. But of course i wouldnt tell her, she's got alot more to do than to try to act like a doctor to me. And anyway i can handle whatever is thrown at me.
Heres a random something google threw up when i searched "stef".
His name is Stef Nychka and he's a laboratory instructor. (i guess i'm glad i'm female and asian??)
rockin' at 12:56 AM
Eye for a guy
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Holy crap Shan from eyeforaguy 2, is hilarious! All you need to do is to skim through his moblog which you can find here. An excerpt:
- When Howard was giving Denise the rose gift, he intelligently got a cute little 8 year old girl to go to Denise and ask her to come and meet him, as he was waiting at another location. The conversation went something like this
Little Girl: excuse me, are you Denise Keller? Denise: yes i am LG: will you please come with me, there is a man who wants to see you D: oh how sweet you are! who is this man? can you describe him? LG: has an American accent, colourful Indonesian shirt......about my height.
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Dont get me wrong i still think howard is great. Will say more later when its not 2.30am.
rockin' at 2:30 AM
Fall of a Champion
Stayed up late last night watching the semi finals for Grandslam tennis in Paris, my darling Federer against the 19-year old spanish punk Nadal. The match lasted for about 3 over hours, and as many of you must have heard, Federer lost 3 sets to 1. He had it, i tell you. i think mentally, he wasnt there. No concentration. No killer instinct. Nadal didnt win because he was the stronger, fitter, more skillful player. Federer killed himself. Was pretty disappointed when Federer didnt manage to hold serve after breaking Nadal's serve in the 3rd set. Crucial. O well. These kinda things happen in sports. i still think Federer is the better player - Nadal has all that muscles (AND that huge i mean HUGE ass), but his serves are like 145+ kmph, and Federer serves 160, 170 kmph. Anyway had fun with rahul, bitching and stuff throughout the match. Haha once Nadal tripped and the clay got all over his white pants, and rahul msged saying, "Looks like he shit his pants." i laughed to myself at 2.30am in the morning.
Federer
rockin' at 1:45 AM
Dont shun me, please!
Listening to Lovers and Friends by Lil Jon f/ Usher & Ludacris.
The first week of the school holidays sucked. i didnt get out much, i think my skin tan lightened 5 times over without the help of any SK-whitening-fuck thank you. I'm TRYING to get down to studying, i know how important this holiday is to my A levels, believe me.. Farah from hockey has already painfully showed me the dreadful circumstances if i dont take the hols and especially the time after this seiously. Not only her, i've also had the privilege of having our dear principal virgina cheng (my fingers itch at the temptation to alter her name) talk to me and a few others who performed shit for the common test. Well, talk and also basically threatened too. But who's really affected? *rolls eyes* Yes if i dont get all 3 A level passes for the mid years, i can kiss my freedom and basically any form of social life goodbye. It'll be like the manisfestation of the pale-skinned, purple vein-popping, haggard hair, equation-repeating, social-fearing kind of mugger that we all shun. (Dont shun me, please!)
Something like that lah. This guy i think over-worked, not over-studied. But like i said the symptons are all the same.
rockin' at 12:58 AM
Justi-fy this
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Aint he just yummy.
rockin' at 12:49 AM
Of Life and Death
Friday, June 03, 2005
Its funny, how things can go from me never attending a funeral ever before, to having to attend 2 in this year. i know i shouldnt assume things, but my grandmother is dying. She's not my maternal grandmother, but she's the closest person i ever remember having as being the grandmotherly figure. We lovingly call her "Mama". Right now, she's at the ICU in Tan Tock Seng hospital, hooked up to all kinds of "life-saving" gadgets, put on 100% oxygen as her lungs arent very strong, suffering from a very painful right arm which the doctors suspect is cancer, has survived a good number of heart attacks, has failing kidneys which as a result, her body is now slowly poisioning itself, her blood is so thin that it clots everywhere, slowly drifting in and out of conciousness.
Oh gawd it pained me to see her like that.. It never crossed my mind before seeing her in her state, that i would never experience those wonderful memories of her ever again, that this might be the last time i ever hear her, that she was going to leave us. i dont like remembering her in that way. i hate it, it pains her to live in such a state, and i hate it.
We went to visit her last night, and she gave us children her last words. She told us that we were good children, and told us to continue being good to mummy and daddy, and that she loved us very much.
i want to remember her in her sarong kabaya, hustling around in the kitchen with such fevour and passion for cooking. i want to remember her screaming orders at people, to get some funny spice, to get out of her way. i want to remember how she used to ask us girls to eat first before the boys, as she always wanted to make sure that we had enough. i want to remember her smiles as we enjoyed her peranakan dishes. i want to remember how she used to push red packets into our hands for no reasons at times. i want to remember how she always loved playing mahjong, and how she always asked my mom for a game. i want to remember how she always said that i was too skinny, that i should eat more, and how once she even went to buy me some vitamin supplement thing to take so i could gain weight. i want to remember that time when i gave her a foot rub and how she enjoyed it. i want to remember her love.
Letting go is so difficult. It sounds so damn cliche, but i can think of no other words to put to say how this is like. i can only pray that her passing is smooth, that her last days are kind and easy. i pray that her love is always remembered, and she enters heaven with such grace.
i love her.
rockin' at 11:50 PM
Day of torture
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Quickie for tuesday:
REMINDER: DO NOT EVER AGREE TO GO RUNNING WITH A TRACKER.
My first and last time ever that i shall act smart (or rather be stupid) and agree to go for a "light run" in the morning with a tracker who, oh well... only clocked 8+min for his 2.4. So what if he said he was "injured" or if it would be reaal "light" and "easy". Just heed my warning: THEY LIE.
Okay maybe i shouldnt be so harsh on dave, but hey. He almost killed me that morning. Oh goodness... i saw the route and he was like, "hmm we can go for two rounds lah" and i'm thinking: "GOOD GOD CAN I SURVIVE THE FIRST". But of course, me being the polite, amiable me, just simply smiled and looked at him with sweet eyes trying to hide their "ARE YOU INSANE OR JUST COMPLETELY NOT THINKING" look. His one round, of course, referred to the boys 4.8km route at Turf City. So OFF we went, me trying to be real strong and hiding my super duper heavy breathing and struggling to keep up the conversation that he tried to get going. Just another note: it takes ALOT of lungs to be able to chat and run at the same time. Do not attempt unless an oxygen mask is nearby. But anyway dave being the super duper runner was happily talking away and i was panting and trying to give nice, one-word replies (in others words trying to kill conver. i had to do it either way, or kill myself. Figured the conver was easier to take out) So by the time we were HALFWAY through, he happily read out: 12:30 for 2.4km... Halfway. And i'm thinking "OMG I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA BE DONE" but i just gave a short laugh, kinda like a "heh" or a "haaaah" or maybe a ghastly release of air "PPPFFFFTT" that signaled that my lungs were collapsing anytime soon. Choose one lah. So yeah. Btw my 2.4 timing is usually much better than that, i clocked 10:41 for my 2.4, but please remember. Turf city road SUCKS. The grass is long and fighting against you, the hills are steep and you have to keep dodging horseshit. SOO ANYWAY. i think by then he clearly got the hint that i MAY be not able to make it to the end. So he kinda slowed down. But his slowing down only seemed like a reduction or 1/200000000000th of a km/hr to me. Ie, negligable. Okay so i struggled on, oh my my my... it was one of the worst runs EVER. Hockey long runs dont even compare cos there, everyone is dying along with you, so you dont feel so bad when you cough heavily as if you're gonna spit your stomach out, but HERE i am with a super-duper-stamina-like-steel long dist runner. So of course theres a wee bit of pressure. Just a wee bit. Anyway towards the last stretch i called out to him, "dave, i'm dying". He laughed. Like, no really laughed. Like the "OH PSHAW stop kidding me" kinda laugh. All i know was that it seemed pretty evil then to me. So then i repeated. "Dave i'm dying." i dont think he heard me that time. So i added louder, "really dying." He got me on that one, so he quickly said, "OK dont worry just a bit more" and in my head i was going, "you must be joking. Abit more?! Is that what you tell someone on their deathbed, that they only have "ABIT" more to go to before reaching the pearly gates?" That abit more seem ahelluva long bit. BUT I PROUDLY TELL YOU MY DEAR READERS - I SURVIVED. It felt great - actually not really, but it felt better than my continuing running. As i stopped and grabbed at my chest to steady my breathing, i look up and POOF - dave is gone. Off for his 2nd round. All i could think of was, "Whoo. Wonderful. Greaat. You go man, all the way baby. Run like the wind. Just let me rest here in the shade for another halfhour and recover while you're at it."
rockin' at 11:57 PM
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